Awake again...

5am and i am awake, cant say i have really been to sleep yet. Hurting to much to pass out.
I hate those days, lay in bed for hours and when i should be getting up for the day is when i finally get
to sleep.

I guess part of that is because of working over nights for so long, i am a night person by heart anyway. I prefer the dark. Sunlight is to bright for my eyes, any time i am out in the sun i have to have sun glasses, and not the "look at me im cool" the cheap "those look solid black" type.

Its been long enough i will take another pain pill so i dont wake up like i did yesterday and open my eyes to pain. I dont mind the dull roars, those i am use to.  It has been 13 months now since i have gone a day without pain, and i am betting it is going to be a few more years to go before it happens again.
I never truly appriceated the days when i woke up and felt great and full of energy ready to take on the day. They seemed special, but now looking back, i know just how special they were and would hope that one will happen again.

For those that dont know i am in a group on facebook for people with liver issues and ones that have made it to the other side and recieved their 'gift' as we call it.  (transplant).  It is the greatest bunch of people you could ever hope for.  We talk about all aspects of what we all faced and are facing, and have some good times and some bad times.  It is though a very real group.  As in if you took the group and multiplied it by a few thousand it would give you the number of people that survive this dreaded thing, and ones lost.

Last week was rough, we lost 5.  It kind of hits hard at times when you see ones you used to talk to slip away, and makes you appreciate what you do have, as bad as it may get at times.

 Its nice to have a group where people are at the same place as you are, as well as others who have made it through.  Learn a lot on the way.

So for those  that dont know, today starts the local Fair.  Oh Joy i am soooo friggin excited. NOT! lol .
Its so smokey out you can barley make out the ridge line on the mountians.

So i get to go walk around in the heat and smoke causing my self more pain half the evening while the kids enjoy the rides.  The things you do for kids, should be illegal. *LOL*

So its off to try to get some rest for me.