Being Sick...

many reading have been sick before, but in a few days to a week, you feel better and are back to normal life.

With liver disease, not only are you not going to feel better in a few days, but you may never be who you once were again.  It is a difficult aspect to this to accept.

Here let me explain.....  What did you do today? 
Woke up, maybe hopped out of bed, got in the shower, enjoyed a nice long warm shower/bath, got out and fixed some food to eat, got something to drink, contemplated the day you had ahead... got dressed and headed off to work for the day.
While at work they as usual took advantage of you... "Hey when you are done with that can you"..   like you have enough time or energy to finish what you are doing, let alone do another project on the side. But some how you manage to get both done because that's the  type of person you are, finally work is over, and you are glad.  
Now work is over, and you have the evening ahead of you. hmm what to do, hiking, jogging, maybe go out for a movie, or how about dinner out, why not, you deserve it, you worked hard.. or hang out with friends and enjoy the evening.  Then home to relax and watch a little tv before bed and doing it all over again. or if you have kids, you are taking care of them and enjoying kids being kids..  well most the time anyway lol.

Every day for the past year and then some, i wake up and am reminded of the situation i am in, as my eyes open pain is screaming in my head because by the time i wake up, all of my pain med's have worn off, so i try to crawl off the bed and make my way to the kitchen to get a drink, then off to the couch... sadly basically my new home.  I sit down and take my pain pill and hope it kicks in soon, to distract myself i grab my laptop and read up on whats going on in the world, see what friends are doing on that evil FB. and wait... finally after a hour or so my pain meds kick in and i am not hurting as bad.
Work is not a option for me, so i get to spend my time wishing i was able to work.  Ya know years ago i always though it would be nice to be retired.... ammmm this is not what i had in mind...

Time for supper... hmmm ok, so whats on the menu.. has to be something very low in salt, i try to keep my daily salt intake to500mg a day or lower..  Now for those of you who have never actually payed attention to salt.. take what you are having for supper and read all the labels, look for sodium quantities..
just for fun, do this for a few days, you will be amazed at how many things have high salt content , many things that you would not expect.      Why no salt you ask.. salt causes the body to retain water, with my condition, i already retain water as it is, any extra will  build up and cause major stomach pain, and if it gets bad enough, i get to go to the doc and have them stick a tube in me and drain it.... So far i have not had to have this done, and i dont want to if i can avoid it, so i pay close attention to what i eat and keep the salt as low as possible.
On any given day its a gamble if food will even stay down.. i get spells some times where i can go a week where everything i eat comes back up, then i get a break for a while and do ok. Food is not my friend.

Relaxing at home and enjoying the kids is a spectators sport any more.. use to be i was right there in the middle of it all, it was nothing for me to walk through the house and grab a kid in each arm and rough house with them, and have a ball..  now i cant. 

Now i have the future to think about.. the things that might happen, such as surgery where i am left with a 12-18" scar and someones Else's liver inside me, which is a odd concept when you really think about it.
The Battle with HE, where it can do things from make you hurt the ones you love and care about, to totally changing your life and making things such as common conversations nearly impossible.

I stand the chance to loose me in this battle, i may win the battle, but what or who will i be when its all over..  how much of 'me' will still be there... what parts of 'me' will survive this...

and there is always the chance that things go wrong, and i just don't survive this.. as much as i don't like this , it is a very real possibility that i can not ignore.  I wish i had gotten live insurance before all of this happened, so at least if things go wrong, i would know that my family was better off, and at least they would not have to worry about money issues while dealing with everything else.   But that didn't happen, now i have to think about the cold reality that not only is there a chance they will have to deal with me not being around if things go bad, but will also have to deal with being broke and figure out how to pay bills and mortgage.  i wish there was something i could do to change this, so at least money would not be a stress for them.  

How will things play out..   who knows... right now its all a guessing game..  one day at a time and see what happens...

So all this rambling, what i really want to say is... Appreciate what you have, even though it may not be what you want at the moment... stop and actually take a few min. and reflect. Because in life things can change quickly. Enjoy what you do have.